In My 30s. With Kids. And Dating.

Grab a coffee or a glass of wine and let’s discuss how you can become comfortable with being single. 

I know, for some, you may have never had this feeling. You long for companionship, a partner to end your day with, and or let’s be honest, someone to help contribute to finances or the workload around the house. How about planning the day when you officially change your last name? Your friends and family are hitting milestones every time you turn around. You know the story…boy meets girl…they fall in love. They get engaged, and then married. Within the year or two, you are hearing about how they are pregnant and gender reveal coming soon. I often question, how are people’s lives laid out so perfect? 

Once upon a time, I longed to be married and finished having children by the time I was 30. I often roll my eyes and chuckle at this. At one point in my life, I felt like I was not hitting life goals in this area of my life. I had a son, still single, and 29. Looking back, I believe having this feeling of not being where I wanted to in life, put me in a bad position for the next 5 years. Long story short, I ended up in a very unhealthy relationship. I almost lost me, who I am, during this time. 

Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to understand, life is easier when you try not to control this area of our life. Don’t force your life to go a certain way, because you feel like it isn’t going in the direction you thought it would. When you try to control your life to fit a certain standard, eventual it will give out at the seams. Perhaps your life isn’t meant to fit in the box you are trying to place it in. So let that go! This fantasy we create of our lives, can sabotage it if you are not careful. 

Now, I am not saying to abstain from having goals. That is absolutely not what I am saying at all. What I am saying is to put your focus on goals for yourself. Goals centered around your career/business. Goals of traveling. Crushing your fitness goals. These should be the goals that we focus on. I believe when you focus on these goals, you will find out who you really are and thus be fulfilled. The focus is no longer being single. 

Once you make that shift, then someone will eventually come along and add to your life. Notice I said add to, and not fill. Once we stop looking for someone to fill a void, you be come comfortable in being single. 

And to be 100% honest with you all, the longer I am single the more I enjoy it. The only relationship I am focusing on is my relationship with Christ. That is where I should have been placing it all along. He has the best plan for me anyways. When I tried to take control, that is when I lost control. 

So does this mean to no longer date? I will have to let you take that decision on if you feel like it will pull your attention away from yourself. As for myself, I do date, but they have not gone anywhere past a couple dates. This is because that dating pool is well…tragic, to say the least. But,I am perfectly fine with it not going anywhere when I know it isn’t a good fit for my life and family. I do believe one day I will add to my family with marriage, but it is not my focus. It may happen by the time I am 40, 60, or maybe not at all. At this point, it doesn’t matter. I have the freedom to explore my life and I get the bonus of having my children while doing it. 

My life decisions have brought me to where I am now, but I am just getting started. I just hate that it took me until my mid-to-late 30s to realize this. I am sure I will have my moments of feeling lonely or wishing I had more help with raising my children, but it is not a state of mind I will stay in for long. Why? Because I have goals that I am focused on. 

Question for my readers: How do you feel about being single at this stage in life? Have you always felt like this?